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In The Chapel
HE REMEMBERED, I'M JUST DUST
Now, I'm not talking about wanting the perfect hair, or face, or shape…although that would be awfully nice too. I just want to please God and everyone around me who's looking. My deepest passion has always been to do something so noble, or so grand for God, that when I'm dead and gone, everyone will remember me for my good deeds. In fact, they'll be so impressed with my accomplishments in His Kingdom, they will feel obligated to build a monument in the name of my goodness. But just when I've been going along pretty good for a while…I've got some good things going…there's a good buzz about me among my groups…I've done a string of good deeds that should propel me right into my candidacy for a monument if I continue on this road for the next fifty years…Just then, I make a really stupid mistake. I trip. I stumble. I fall. "How could someone as full of good sense as me do something so absolutely senseless?" I mutter petulantly to myself. "Surely, there is no one on earth so unbelievably daft and unwise in life's choices as me." I usually don't need any negative chatter from the peanut section. It would be very hard for the casual spectator to come up with any criticism, disparagement, or condemnation that I hadn't already thought of, and probably screamed to myself, in the wee hours of the morning. But it was in one of those moments of complete disenchantment and despair, when I thought everything I lived for and everything I fought so hard for, was slipping through my hands helplessly because of some stupid unretractable step I made. My faith in my own judgment was destroyed. My confidence in my capabilities was in question. My trust in my own thinking ability was splintered in a million pieces. I fell on my knees in prayer, as is customary when I fall. I'm not sure if I fall down to pray or to question God why He would create such a pitiful excuse for a human being. Nevertheless, I fall to my knees. It was in this, somewhat praying, somewhat questioning position, that I came across the scripture "…and He remembered that I was dust." I felt God opening my eyes of ignorance to a truth that is so simple, and yet so bold and revelatory. God, the Creator of life and all it holds…the Creator of man and all we represent…views us from the eyes of a Creator. It is like the inventor of a new invention viewing that which he has dreamed, then designed, then brought into existence. Henry Ford knew well the capabilities of the Model-T because he invented it. He did not look at the new little "horseless buggy" and think, "Gee, I wonder why it only goes fifteen miles per hour instead of one hundred and fifteen miles per hour? It should go faster than that." He knew well the capabilities of his creation. And so it is when God looks down upon us, His creation. He does not marvel and faint with surprise when we make mistakes. Never does God become overwhelmed with anxiety and angst when He sees me stumble and fall. Imagine the day you watched your child try and ride a bicycle for the first time. There was so much hope and faith inside of you. You were hoping every time he fell that he would not give up, but instead would rise again to try once more. You prayed silently with every fiber of your being that she would just stay on a little longer. Never did you expect that the child would just jump on the bike for the first time and ride off into the sunset like the good cowboy on a great western. You expected she would fall. You expected she would learn lessons with each scraped knee. You expected yourself to pick her up each time, hug her and tell her, "everything will be just fine." And there is my great Father, looking down upon me in this moment of shame. "I know you are just dust. I am the One who created you. If I had made you perfect, the Calvary would have been an unnecessary waste." He loves me, not because of, but in spite of my failures. I don't take advantage of His mercy and grace, but I am so thankful to know that it is sufficient for even imperfect me. Scripture: Prayer: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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I
just hate the fact that I'm only human. I want to accomplish great and
grandiose things. I want to catch stars and hang moons. I want to go
places and become something of great nobility. I hate making stupid
mistakes…well, actually I hate making mistakes at all. I want
to be perfect.